It Costs Nothing to be Kind
In the creative world there are always newcomers alongside the more experienced creators and the seasoned veterans. Sometimes there are even a few, or more than a few, professionals in the group.
Often this can lead to an imbalance that leaves one group or another feeling slighted. I have seen this in writing workshops and conferences many times. The gathering – whether an informal local workshop or an expensive multi-day international conference – sets an agenda and it can never meet all the expectations of a diverse group. It’s too advanced for the beginners who feel overwhelmed, or it’s too basic for the experienced members who have seen it all before and are bored, or it’s flawed in yet another way. Or all of the above.
There seem to be two basic solutions to this problem:
1. Split the group up into sub-groups, based on their interests, experience, and expertise; or
2. Accept that you can’t please everyone and stop trying (this response is much more common in volunteer-run groups where burnout is frequently a serious issue).
Splitting the group can work, if it is large enough to support several sub-groups, but that opens up another level of problems. Who decides which creator gets placed in each group? What if a newbie wants to listen in on the veterans’ group? What if a timid-but-accomplished veteran is more comfortable interacting with newcomers?
I think there is another way. A way of grace, humility, and kindness. A path of inclusion and generosity. And it costs nothing.
Just be kind to the new kids.
It’s what we told our children when they were growing up and learning social skills. Be nice to other people. Be tolerant.
Kindness and acceptance will go a long way toward making a newcomer feel welcome within the creative community. Whether you’re a writer, a painter, a costumer, a musician – whatever your favorite flavor of creativity – welcoming new people into your community costs you nothing.
It isn’t just the newcomer who will benefit either.
There is a satisfaction that comes from knowing you helped someone, even if it is something as simple as showing them the best way to hold a particular tool, or where to find basic information.
That isn’t all. There is also the chance that you will learn something in the process of helping someone new. Talking to someone who “doesn’t know any better” may bring up questions you never thought to ask, or ideas you never considered because you knew the “right” way to do something.
Gatekeepers of any sort limit access to “outsiders” and almost inevitably this leads to insular thinking, tribalism, and stagnation. Without the addition of new people and new ideas organizations wither and die, and creative endeavors are the same.
We can all think of examples from history, ranging from fine art, to literature, to architecture, to science. We can look back and shake our heads at the censure of Galileo and Copernicus, at the condemnation of “modern” music, at books like “The Seduction of the Innocents” that condemned the comic books we grew up with. In each of these instances someone (or some institution) appointed themselves as a gatekeeper, an arbiter of what was “right” or “proper.”
It is far too easy to fall into that same trap with our own creativity. To set ourselves up as the experts and to snub those who haven’t reached our lofty heights.
If you have developed some expertise, if you are an experienced artist of whatever stripe, I hope that you can remember what it was like to be the new kid. Remember those first tentative steps into the space where the experts sat. The feeling of being out of your depth, of being an intruder in a space where you did not belong.
Remember those feelings, acknowledge them in the new creatives who may approach you for advice, encouragement, reassurance – for inclusion.
Remember the lessons your parents taught you about grace and kindness, about treating people with respect and tolerance. Remember trying to pass those lessons along to your children.
Remember all those things, and remind yourself of them as you help those who want to follow your path into creativity. Be patient, be encouraging, make the newcomer feel welcome, just as someone, somewhere, made you feel welcome.
And remember one other thing:
It costs you nothing to be kind.