In previous columns I have talked about how your relationships are impacted by your creativity, and vice versa. It’s something we will all have to cope with in our lives – unless you’re an orphan living in isolation on a deserted island without a phone or Internet.
As I was casting about for a topic for this Fifth Sunday randomness I came across a photo that sums up, for me, a great deal of what a supportive and understanding partner looks like.
Let me tell you the story.
Nearly forty years ago I met a group of people online; on a local bulletin board system in Seattle, in the early days of online communication.
In those days only some pretty hardcore computer geeks were online and each bulletin board system (BBS) was the brainchild of a gifted and dedicated programmer – some amateur, some professional – who created a program that allowed one user at a time to call up and post messages.
It was a very small, but diverse, community. We had only one thing in common: access to a computer and modem.
Through that community I met, and eventually married, my husband Steve.
Ignore the goofy expression on my face! I must have been saying something silly. This is the two of us dressed up for the performance of Hamilton at the Smith Center in Las Vegas. When you meet us one of the first things you will notice is that he is quite tall, and I am quite not-tall. I have always said he didn’t type that tall and by the time I actually met him it was too late
When you meet us one of the first things you will notice is that he is quite tall, and I am quite not-tall. I have always said he didn’t type that tall and by the time I actually met him it was too late.
Steve was a writer, he encouraged me to join him in his creative pursuits, and has been incredibly supportive of my writing. He was the one who helped me recognize and resurrect my childhood dreams of stringing words together into stories (but that’s a story for another day).
I was hesitant at first; he was the writer, I was the support system. But he encouraged me and I took a few tentative steps toward letting my inner writer come out and play.
You never know when an idea, a bit of dialogue, a story, or the resolution to a plot problem is going to finally emerge from wherever your subconscious has been playing with it. But it’s sometimes at the most inconvenient time and place.
For me, that’s the shower.
This is not an ideal place to try and write!
It is definitely not the place to stop and write down the bit that has appeared, but if you don’t it will skitter away like a dry leaf in the wind, skipping just ahead of your outstretched hand until it escapes altogether and flies away.
Enter Supportive Partner. Summoned by your bellow from under the cascade, they arrive in the bathroom out of breath, their heart pounding with the adrenaline hit of your cries coming from a room full of hard surfaces and wet, slippery footings.
Supportive Partner is therefore Not Amused when it turns out the bellow comes not from any damage to your person, but is just a request: “Can you grab a pencil and write this down for me?”
A true Supportive Partner will get the pencil, make the necessary notes, and forego inflicting bodily harm upon you. But it doesn’t mean they won’t be tempted!
Years go by. Supportive Partner continues being supportive, though this could turn into the story of the boy who cried wolf. Fortunately your faithful correspondent did not have any damage to her person during the ensuing years from the hard surfaces or wet, slippery footings.
To be honest, Steve was pretty good-natured about it all. He would dutifully go fetch a pencil and paper and make notes, but we kept looking for a better solution, before I completely exhausted his patience.
Over the years we tried several things. I even bought a set of kid’s soap crayons, but they were not designed to actually do more than leave a brightly-colored streak on the tile – one that I would have to go back later and scrub off.
Then, at Christmas one year, Steve’s thinking outside the box found a wonderful gift. One that would support my creativity-fueled-by-hot-water.
He bought me a diver’s note board!
It really works! That is a plot complication that worked itself out while I was in the shower, and this time I didn't have to bellow for Supportive Partner to come help. Don't look too close if you don't want a spoiler for the current novel-in-progress.
It’s a plastic sheet with an attached pencil, and it writes in the water. You can clean it with a Magic Eraser (or similar cleaner) and it works like a charm.
It’s been a game-changer, and I have actually used it several times when a tricky plot tangle worked itself out while I was showering. I didn’t have to yell for Steve, and (Bonus!) he didn’t have to worry that this just might be the time I made an unfortunate contact with one of those hard surfaces.
The tool itself is wonderful, but the even better part is that my Supportive Partner took the time and patience to understand what the issue was for me and to find a solution.
For me this is what support looks like. Honoring, encouraging, and supporting my creative endeavors.
I hope you are fortunate enough to find the same in your life.