We’ve all heard the phrase “finding Mr. (or Ms.) Right” – the idea that there is an ideal, perfect someone out there for us to find. It’s the basic plot of every romance novel ever written.
There’s also the joke about giving up on finding Mr. Right and settling for Mr. Right Now, the less-than-perfect someone who might be interesting or fun, but we know they aren’t The One. And the follow-up line which is, “But what if Mr. Right comes along and thinks I’m taken because I’m with Mr. Right Now?”
Is this Mr. Right? Or just Mr. Right Now? Since I don't really want to live in the middle of the Mojave, he's probably Mr. Right Now!
Well, in reading last week’s recommended page at The Oatmeal I came across a phrase that stuck with me. I have been thinking about it a lot, and it reminds me of settling for Mr. Right Now.
Stopgaps have a way of becoming permanent.
Did you notice that line? Did it stick with you?
For me it was a much-needed reminder that just because we have always done things a certain way, used a certain tool, followed a certain process – because we have settled for Mr. Right Now – it doesn’t make it right forever.
When you DO find Mr. Right it's good to have a partner to share your adventures! After nearly 40 years, I think I made a good choice!
Right now, as we face retirement, or long for it, we are contemplating massive changes in our lives. That’s what we’ve been talking about here for the last year and a half.
One silly example:
When I was within a year of retirement, my work wardrobe needed some additions. I had worn black pants and dressy shirts for several years, but the pants had reached the point where I had to replace them or risk a major “wardrobe malfunction.” I looked around and found some very cheap (not just inexpensive, but honestly cheap) tunics online. Well, they were tunics on the 5’9” model; on my 5’1” frame they were knee-length and with the addition of leggings quite acceptable for work. For the cost of a couple pair of pants I got an array of colors and I was set to finish out my time to retirement.
Thos tunics were a stopgap, designed to get me through the last few months of working with very little expense. They were Mr. Right Now, and I knew the relationship wasn’t destined to last.
Except.
After several months of my favorite comfy jeans and T-shirts, I went back to work. That’s when I realized the dresses and leggings I dragged out of the back of the closet were definitely showing signs of wear. But it would only be a few weeks, I reasoned, and I could get by.
Those blue jeans may or may not be acceptable in the office, but they're what's right for me. And that's what matters!
When I returned to the office yet again this fall, I dragged those clothes back out of the closet, and started wearing them again. But I eventually realized they were no longer presentable, and I had to make a change.
I finally changed my attitude, decided I didn’t have to “dress for success” and have been comfortably working in jeans for the past several weeks. I had to examine the reasons I clung to that stopgap measure long after it stopped working for me, and to make a conscious decision to do something different.
We are all in transition, more so because our entire world has been upended in the last 24 months. But rather than fight to maintain the status quo, to preserve the stopgaps that we have managed to work with, perhaps it is time we examined our choices.
Do your tools, your habits, really work for you?
Does creating give you satisfaction?
Does the process of creating give you joy?
Is this your creative Mr. Right?
Or is it a stopgap, a Mr. Right Now, that needs to be replaced with something better?